When thinking about “Family Survival” it is important to have your spouse on board with the emergency plan and emergency preparedness. Here are some ideas to get you started talking with your spouse about emergency preparedness.
Over the years I have discovered several things about the non-survivalist by talking with friends, relatives as well as my wife her and network of friends. Male or Female, there are a few common themes among people who do not prepare.
- Ignorance
- Selfishness
- Despair
- Fear
- Arrogance
Ignorance – This is a trait that is hard to believe in this day and age post 9/11 and Katrina but it 
does still happen. It usually takes the form of “They” will take care of us. “They” are usually the government (Federal, State, Local) but it could also be international groups or charities. I know a gentleman who never thought about preparedness until FEMA said have a 3 day supply of food and water on hand for emergencies. Now he has started doing this but won’t hear of having more than a 7 day supply of preparedness products. Unfortunately Hurricane Katrina was not enough to prove to him that the government cannot always be there to help you and everyone should take emergency preparedness a little more seriously.
Selfishness – This trait is perhaps the most difficult to overcome. Grasshopper and the Ant tale; The Ant works all Spring, Summer, and Fall to prepare for the winter while the Grasshopper spends his time in the sun enjoying every minute of it thinking the good weather will last forever. “I won’t sacrifice today’s pleasure for the possibility of future return.” This often results in denial of the coming shortage or disaster.
Despair – This trait takes a unique form, I saw it in adults when I was just a kid. The world would be so horrible after a “Nuclear War” that I wouldn’t want to survive, therefore I won’t. This is a tough nut to crack since despair often doesn’t respond to reason.
Fear – Fear often looks like despair but is much easier to deal with because all hope has not been lost. People are often afraid to put together a plan or talk things out with their family or spouse because they afraid to think of the possibilities and don’t have answers to the issues they will be facing in a “Family Survival” situation. The truth is…none of us have all the answers. We can only prepare so much and the rest will be left up to being able to improvise during a disaster or TEOTWAWKI.
Arrogance – This can often takes the form of “It can’t happen here because this is the United States (or Canada).” or “Things like that only happen in 3rd world countries.” But it could happen here and because of our society’s reliance on electricity & oil….things could be much worse. In 3rd world countries people are used to going without and they are used to living off the basics. In modern countries, a disruption in everyday conveniences such as electricity could cause wide spread panic.
How to talk with your Spouse
Schedule a meeting (Yearly, Twice a Year, Quarterly)
Planning a meeting is an important part of getting your spouse on board with an Emergency
Plan. It is vital for both partners to sit down together and come up with a unified plan to present to the rest of the members of the family. As the head of the household, others will look to you and your spouse in the event of an emergency for direction and leadership.
- Start small. When talking with your spouse about emergency preparedness it is important to start off with a short meeting discussing why this is an important part of the overall family plan (financial, education, raising kids, etc). Ask your spouse to come up with ideas for the next meeting on food, fuel storage, water, shelter, etc. By working together it becomes more of a team environment and less about “you”.
- Avoid scare tactics. When talking to your spouse (Husband or Wife) avoid being overly dramatic about the “What If’s” that are out there. Instead talk about historical events (floods, storms, riots, food shortages, etc) and come up with a sense-able plan to either “Bug Out” or “Bug In” as well as food, water, transportation and shelter plans. (Read Book: “Back To Basics“)
- Make it fun. Instead of a tiresome chore, plan to do some fun stuff as a part of your emergency planning. Go on a camping trip, plant a garden, take a class on storing & preparing food, go to your local pistol & rifle range, go hunting, go shopping, take an emergency medical course. Bottom line make it fun for everyone involved.
- Having both partners fully up to speed on an Emergency Plan protects you both from being left in the lurch should the other suddenly not be available. In an emergency, communications can go down, freeways become parking lots and reaching your loved ones might become a distant memory. Having a plan that both spouses know will give you peace of mind knowing that if something goes wrong, your spouse will be able to take charge and know the plan (what to do, where to go). (Read Book: “Handbook to Practical Disaster Preparedness for the Family“)
My spouse and I have discussed the effects of stores running out of food and supplies as well as
the events that could lead to long-term problems and societal disruptions (Solar Flares/EMP, Economic Collapse, Earthquakes, Severe Storms, etc). Basically I took several possible events and showed her how the most likely outcome was a loss of modern conveniences and the need to survive for up to 5 years as if it was the mid-1800s. By putting a time limit on these events (6 months for weather or labor strikes, a few years for the worst events) it really helped to put things in perspective with my spouse and removed some of the fear and scare tactics.
My spouse is now more involved with emergency preparedness because she feels that she may need to help her children (and husband) through a few bad years in the future. She is also more keenly aware of the “Achilles Heel” of our family’s well being which is a combination of electricity, food, water, shelter and fuel.
A great book to get you started talking with your spouse and family is “Making the Best of Basics” by James Talmage Stevens
You might also like: Family Survival: Let’s Not Forget the Kids
by Capt Bart
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The only fighters in Afghanistan, both ours and theirs, who get hit by carbine rifle fire are the ones who by chance run into a round. Same as all the other wars in the last few decades.
If you plan on defending your retreat you might want to hit the bad guys instead of spraying rounds from a light, short noise maker.
My suggestion is to get a 30 cal hunting style auto loader. 2-3 hits from a short mag is better than spraying the sky with a 30 rounder. Think I'm wrong – them you've never had bullets zinging by your ear- or into the guy next to you.
This assumes you're shooting from inside a retreat against people approaching. Going against people already inside your dwelling or from a car against an ambush then you're probably screwed already so doesn't much matter.
With a 30 cal, you might even dissuade the MZB's to back off once they see what a 150 gr hunting bullet does to a human body.
My wife does not think its importent to prepare for anything but thanksgiving and x-mas LOL.
Your wife doesn't think prep is important…so, approch food prep survival as affordable survival. Look at how food prices have gone up by 30% in 1 1/2 years(thanks Obama). And thanks to debt, hyperinflation will hit soon…that will really make food go up. Look at the survival pyrimid on this site for the amount of food needed and double it if you can afford the price and room.
I just don't understand women who bury their head in the sand over providing for their family. It seems so selfish and shallow. I'm the one who preps in my family and I'm glad to do it.
This is a great read. I have been working on our complete survival plan and talking about it with my wife. 2 months ago she thought I was kind of crazy, now that she has seen the BOB's and food supply we have she is starting to get interested. By talking to her and preparing in the event of a BO, she will very helpful and know what to do instead of me/us in a panic trying to get out town. We have 2 young kids and it very important to us to be prepared for them . My wife is not at all an outdoors person and so talking with her and preparing our BOB will help her comfort level in the outdoors as much as possible.
i hope i'll have a wife or even girlfriend that would understand survival the way i do. it beats confiding in Fido the dog for comfort.
To Chefbear58: Yes getting your kids involved is very important. I am just starting with my 5 year old, I have found that he has my sense of direction and not his Moms. He is learning how to use a compass and has his own for example. I would love to see this site do an article on kids and how to get them involved.
I believe there was an article done earlier on getting the family involved with survival tactics here. Essentially they said the same thing here with the kids. Not to scare them (obviously give them the appropriate information for their age but still avoid unhealthy fear) and to make it fun.
Article Here: http://survivalcache.com/family-survival-kids-dis…
I am blessed with a beautiful wife who shares in all aspects of the prepper lifestyle with me. On the day we met I asked what she liked to do. She replied “read and camp, and not that p@$$y camping either.”
I asked her if she would marry me right then! She said no, but I won her over. It is wonderful to have some one who shares my passion for living.
Great article on an often overlooked topic!
LOL! As a wife, some of this is really amusing! However, I'm not a 'girly-girl' in any way. I actually find it disturbing that so many of my gender are so opposed to prepping. I was raised in the stix by parents who both hunted, camped, hiked, fished, etc. And they really instilled alot of skills into my brother and I. They would point out plants that were edible while we were walking through the woods, and tell us how to harvest and prepare them. They always exlained that if we were ever out hiking and got lost, we would need to know this stuff. So, now my prepping is just building on what my parents taught me.
Luckily, my husband is on the same page as I am also. He's a 'city boy' that I took under my country girl wing. But he was in the boy scouts and loves the outdoors. I now have him hunting and fishing regularly. This has become a great hobby/obsession that we share(we had a great time going to Gander Mountain together to pick out a good belt knife, and browse the hand guns).
But I know that I really am lucky to have a spouse that is there with me on this.
'She who must be obeyed' is fully on board also. The problem is that if you aren't prepared (and it isn't always the wife) then it is easier to deny that it can happen than to admit that you might not be able to provide for your children's welfare. You were blessed with parents that taught you to be self reliant. I pray I have done as well for my children. As I watch them with my grand kids, I think I have. It is the stress of one being aware and one thinking 'they' will take care of everything that is difficult.
I figure in the worst case scenario I may can trade my wife for a slice of bread,best case a whole bologna sandwich. If i get the sandwich i am hauling @ss before they want it back.
I have to bring up one thing for those of you with kids to think about. It came up while I was telling my wife about an Apoc book I was reading. Her words– if it gets that bad, get the kids and get out. I will meet you at the retreat. Just leave me what I will need. — That was a slap in the face I wasn't expecting and had not ever considered. My wife works for a school. She said she would not leave until all the kids had been picked up. And if waiting meant that her kids might miss a chance of getting out, she would want me to leave her behind. Try bringing that up…
357Chaos,
I just found your post. That is a tough situation. I empathize with her desire to save all the kids; problem is that some of them will never be picked up in some scenarios. You might be faced with caring for more than your own. Without making light of a serious situation, you might need to stock a lot more peanut butter. The good news is that in most cases, the school will probably not be open when TSHTF. If it is pandemic or terrorism or storm or economic collapse, the lead in will probably be such that the schools are closed for safety before the need to GOOD becomes apparent. Not always true but for hurricanes for example, you don't expect to need to stay at school. Riots are another issue but then plans can be laid for a bail out after a given time provided there is not a lock down. A GOOD rendezvous is not necessarily a bad thing, provided a plan can be put into place for when and how. Communications between the two of you might be critical so I'd look into what kind of radio is needed for each. Not knowing your situation and location, I can't make recommendations but the two of you should be able to agree to a plan for how long to wait and when to go.
The garage sale is something I hadn't considered. My daughter loves to shop online and finding the 'weird stuff' her dad wants is fun for her. I can find it but she can find it cheaper and it is a triumph for her skills. In the mean time, she got interested in some aspects of prepping. Playing to their interests is a really good way to involve our spouses and families. Especially if they are not forced into dealing with TEOTWAWKI. We're not dealing with TEOTWAWKI or even TSHTF; we're only talking about the idiots who run down to the store 12 hours before the biggest snow storm in a century is about to hit and expect to find everything they might want to help keep warm and fed. You know it's TSHTF and I know it's TSHTF but she doesn't have to know it's TSHTF; it's only a snow storm. She who must be obeyed got really interested in carrying her concealed weapon after seeing an add for Crimson Trace. The lady in the parking garage that intimidated her two would be attackers with a little red dot was an epiphany for her. Now her Sig and her AK have Crimson Trace. Both acquired after we found out that her 'classic' S&W .32 can't be fitted with the lasers. Keep the exposure low level (if I get too pushy she gets, shall we say, determined and I've lost the argument) and wait. Something will click. In the meantime, just make sure you do what you can to keep the family safe.
yeah, thanks for the info.
Hi everyone!
I'm not so fortunate to have my girlfriend on board when it comes to preparing for anything. She doesn't like the idea of doom and gloom, and gets depressed whenever I talk about it. I can't have a serious discussion about it because it just leads to a fight. All I want to do is be prepared, and I'm finding that planning for the worst is kind of a lonely, and exaustive venture. She would kill me if she knew the preparations I've been making about storing food and buying equipment but I feel it will be necessary in the long run. Short of breaking up with her, is there anything I can do to get her to stop being depressed and have her realize that while she may be miserable now being prepared and having a plan will put her at ease!?!
Josh,
The catch is to not be "doom and gloom". TEOTWAWKI is scary and there is no reason to start there. Hurricane Ike is a good example. It took the government 10 days or so to get everything back up for our area of town. Our preps let us be comfortable and help out our neighbors. No gloom, no doom, just a level of comfort that we would not have had if we had not been prepared. What ever the most common natural event is for your area, that is what you want to be ready for. Once she gets used to the idea that surviving doesn't mean Mad Max or Mutant Zombie Bikers, then you can address the next most likely event. Even the government is telling folks to prep. In some cases, 3 days, in other cases a week but if "they" say to have supplies on hand to last until they can come to the rescue, who are you to argue.
I have gotten her a little used to the idea. She has mentioned canning food and using a dehydrator, but when it comes to things like an exit strategy in a GOOD situation, or selecting arms for defense shes not quite there yet. I think deep down she knows whats coming, and is afraid to face it and would rather deny than face the truth. I live just outside of Chicago and I don't want to be around here when SHTF. I have several plans to get out, but like many other things what I'd like is to have someone to bounce ideas off of and someone to help with the responsibility of planning and packing in case a major event happens.
Well, you have a start. Around Chicago you might look for an event that would cause a GOOD. Tornadoes can obviously cause a SHTF but rarely a GOOD. Could lead to a discussion of a BOB in the car though. If you live close to any refineries or railroad tracks those might be the most likely cause of a GOOD. (Train derailed caused a "get out now" about 3 miles down track from me – missed us but close) or if you are in the open, we've faced a wild fire danger for the first time in memory. The key might be a "I know I'm being a bit paranoid, but we ought to be able to grab and go if a train jumps the track and releases ammonia" We actually had a multi-car collision West of Houston on I-10 that caused a 1/2 mile evacuation due to an ammonia release. Think about the nasty gases (Chlorine, ammonia, natural gas, etc) that could be passing close to your home. If you have to grab and go, you'd want a place to go too, a bag to go with, etc. As for weapons, see if you can get her to read about little Lizzy http://www.handgunrepairshop.com/Why_do_you_carry…
My wife KNOWS I will get involved in such a case, I'm incapable of not doing so, – the only question remaining is my odds of survival. Since she wants to keep me around ( only the Good Lord knows why, but she does want to ) she wants me armed.
Right now my 2 main exit strategies are the highways ( if they are passable and if there is fuel available) and if the highways are blocked there is a rail line about 10 miles north of here. In a GOOD situation, my most likely escape route is that rail line. I've followed it all the way out and know where it goes, although I probably need to study it a little more and take notes. Most of the trains that pass through the suburbs move slow enough through all the towns that having a bad train accident around here is slim. We have had a few small quakes around here and tornadoes aern't much of a problem, so my main focus really is on some kind of economic collapse. I've stored a small amount of food, and medical supplies away for a very rainy day and I'm pretty much complete with my equipment. Its been over 3 months and I'm still waiting for my FOID card from the State of Illinois. I keep trying to get through to them but the line is always busy.
I started a BOB and then like some other commentors my wife got interested. I let her take over my original BOB wich was just a tactical messenger bag (which she has packed almost to perfection) and I moved onto a bigger bag with whatever else we need.
My wife is kind of naive in the fact that we don't live in a great apartment neighborhood and she doesn't pay attention to things. I've been teaching her tons about situational awareness (about who lives where, to use her surroundings, like reflections to see whats behind her, etc.) and we've had many talks of "What to do when…". Just the other night I taught her how to clear and sweep a room JIC I wasn't around when SHTF to do it.
She kinda laughed through some of it and maybe she didn't take anything from it. But atleast I can sleep a little better knowing that if something happens to me she might remember SOMETHING.
The pruhscaes I make are entirely based on these articles.
s1sMEP rngxuwfthctu
Oh, SHTF you say?
One Wife! Best Offer!
Trades accepted!
this might sound stupid but if you havent watched the mini series Jerico and can get your hands on it have her watch it and discuss between you what you would do in that situation, I think that show woke a few people up to what if ?
I think my girlfriend is still warming to the idea, but I don't think she wants to think the impossible can happen. I always tell her its better to be prepared than to have something happen and not be ready at all. Its just a matter of changing her mindset to being more open and being prepared for anything.
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